


What Lies Beneath

by headlessnicks



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29243724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headlessnicks/pseuds/headlessnicks
Summary: "Please, Professor, I saw him-I saw Snape," Harry said, struggling to breathe, "he's hurt...we've got to find him-we've got to find him right now or he's going to die!"It's not always that Harry gets to witness Snape's role as a spy and a soldier. And when he does, his perception of the man begins to shift.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Severus Snape
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

Harry was dreaming again, swimming in memories and places that did not belong to him. He was drifting once more into the thoughts of Voldemort, he was sure of it. Dumbledore's voice echoed distantly in his mind and warned him not to give in to it, but even thinking about Dumbledore seemed to fuel his rage these days. The headmaster had been ignoring him for months, and had sent him to be at Snape's mercy for those no-good Occlumency lessons. All Snape had done was send him back with multiple headaches and insults on how he was as stupid and reckless as his father had been.

No, Harry decided with an air of defiance, who cared about what Dumbledore and Snape wanted? They didn't understand the weapon he held against Voldemort...he had access to the mind of their enemy...he could help them in the war. With that thought in mind, Harry allowed his mind to wander through the streams of images in front of him. He saw faces and people he did not recognize; he did not know if they were friends or foe, had no way to know. He delved even further, hoping that he would access the mysterious corridor and the door that hid the Order's secret. If he could just focus...

He caught a glimpse of the corridor at last, the shiny brick wall glinting across from him as he raced towards it. His fingers were coiled around it and he let out a triumphant grin...wait until Dumbledore knew that he knew what the Order were trying so hard to hide from him. And then he felt himself thrown backwards by an unknown force, felt lightheaded as he was sucked into a hazy white light-and then he was staring down at the pale face of Severus Snape.

Harry looked around, but he was stuck fast to where he stood, unable to even turn his head to observe his surrounding. He forced his gaze back to Snape who was kneeled on the floor, a small trickle of blood slowly making its way down his forehead. For a moment, Harry was taken aback at the man's expression. His Potions professor had always been a difficult man to read, with his usual blank expression and soulless eyes. And yet here he was, hunched over with a frightened expression. The mouth that was so often curled in a sneer was now trembling, and he could sense a hint of desperation in the black pair of eyes. His fear plagued Harry too, as he helplessly mouthed along to words that were not his own.

"Have you had enough, Severus?" Voldemort asked in a high and cold voice.

Snape opened his mouth but nothing came out, and Voldemort threw his head back to laugh.

"Where have your words gone, I wonder? You were always so clever with them, Severus. Are you going to tell me why my men have failed, for the third time, to retrieve the prophecy?"

Harry realized then that he had walked into Voldemort's present mind, that everything he was seeing was unfolding by the minute. He tried to budge but whatever kept them connected was working its magic quite strongly, there was no way to leave. 

"M-my...Lord..." Snape rasped, fingers reaching to unbutton the collar at his throat. He was trembling, Harry saw, but did not know if it was out of fear or pain.

Harry felt Voldemort raising his arm, there was the sound of a wand flicking at the air and Snape let out a sharp breath. He began to cough as he took in quick breaths.

"Speak."

Snape returned to his kneeling position, a little colour returning to his cheeks now that he was free from the Choking Spell.

"I was under the order of Albus Dumbledore-agh!"

Harry knew exactly what had happened, had seen it coming the minute Snape had uttered Dumbledore's name. He had felt the Cruciatus Curse before, had been under it for several seconds, and knew how much it had hurt. Harry watched Snape endure the same, twitching silently under the hold of the nonverbal spell. Snape's fingers dug into the earth, and bit his lip from crying out under the pain-drawing more blood. It went on for a minute or two, with not a single sound from Snape.

"Amazing, isn't it, how much he is capable of enduring? He always knows how to take his punishments, old Severus does....but sadly, it does not bring me the satisfaction I seek."

A sense of dread began to fill Harry now as Voldemort's voice seemed to echo in his own mind. There could be now way-had Voldemort sensed Harry's presence-?

"You continue to surprise me, Harry. Surely you did not think you could invade my mind at such ease-a foolish child as yourself?"

_Wake up_ , Harry whispered to himself, _wake up now, you idiot_.

Voldemort laughed again and swished his wand upwards, and Harry watched Snape fall to the floor, his body jerking involuntarily on the ground.

"Come now, Harry. Do you think it is as simple as forcing yourself to awaken? You were curious to know what I was doing and I thought I'd let you get a personal viewing of what goes on beyond the castle walls. Now, I think you're very well acquainted with Severus, are you not?"

Harry refused to answer, and the silence was answered by another Cruciatus-this time Snape let out a short grunt as he was lifted off the ground.

_Yes! Yes, I know who he is-let him go!_

Voldemort released Snape far quicker this time. He nudged the fallen man so that he was rolled over on his back, and Harry was surprised to see that Snape had not yet passed out from the pain.

"He's a very resilient man, aren't you, Severus?"

Snape stared at his master, puzzled at who he was talking to.

"You see, Severus is here tonight because I have requested a personal meeting with him. When he came back to me last year, I did not trust him-how could I? A man who spent years under the protection of the _great_ Albus Dumbledore," Voldemort spat bitterly.

"But he was so sly with his promises, he had begged me to take him back into my circle. Said he could not stand to be under Dumbledore's services for another minute, and I-the fool that I am-decided to give him a chance. And in return, he would spy on Dumbledore and the Order for me...and yet, it has been a year and we are not a single step closer to winning this war. Don't take me wrong, now, your side isn't doing much either-but I had expected better progress than this. Of course I only have my own self to blame...taking the words of a desperate man seriously."

_Ron, if you can hear me, wake me up-wake me up, please-_

No sooner than Harry had thought it that he felt a stabbing pain in his scar, and he felt Voldemort's rage and fury just then, coursing through him like poison.

"Try to leave once more and I'll send your precious Professor's corpse to Dumbledore right this instant, is that clear?"

Harry nodded his head before he realized Voldemort expected to hear an answer.

_Yes_ , he breathed and felt the other man relax.

"Good boy. Now, where were we-? Oh yes, Severus, the question about your loyalty. Tell me, did you mean it when you said you want nothing more than to be back in my ranks once more? Or were they tales that your so-called Master trained you to say?"

Voldemort had stooped to grab Snape by the hair, and Harry could see Snape's face much clearer now. He looked like a man that had given up, and that thought scared Harry beyond anything else tonight. There was no life in his eyes, no struggle, no anger or sadness or pain. It was as though his soul had left his body, and only the shell of a man remained.

"Answer me."

"I-I am loyal...to you, m-my lord," Snape whispered a moment later, his eyes closing. Voldemort shook him awake.

"So why, why are all our plans failing? You are the only one who knows my plan and Dumbledore's. So why is _he_ always a step ahead? Are you selling us out, Severus? Do I-or your comrades-mean nothing to you any longer?"

"He...he changed h-his mind...he did not...tell me..."

"Which brings us to the next question. Doesn't he trust you anymore?"

Snape was quiet, far too quiet and Harry wished he wouldn't. He could feel Voldemort's anger building up once more, knew it would only be a matter of time before he was tortured once more.

"I cannot answer that, my lord."

"Why not?"

Anger. Rage. Fury. Harry had not felt such intense feelings before. 

"I do not know the answer to that."

" _Don't you_?" Voldemort shrieked, rising to his feet once more. He dragged Snape before flinging him down with force.

"If you don't know then I'm afraid I must take it from you. You've always been good at hiding things away but it won't do you any good to try now...you're far too weak!"

Harry now understood that this had been Voldemort's intention all along. Hadn't Snape told Harry before in one of their Occlumency classes that Voldemort would torture the victim until they were at their weakest point...and then when he knew they were vulnerable, he would attack. 

" _Legilimens!_ "

Harry and Voldemort were now in Snape's mind, and he could tell that the other man was quickly shifting through the memories as he searched for any signs of Snape's betrayal. Harry saw images of a tall, hook-nosed man push a small dark-haired boy against a glass cabinet, and saw a girl with a long face pointing at a teenage Snape as she laughed-there was one where a black-haired girl was leaning in towards Snape and Harry looked away. He did not want to see any of this, it only made him feel worse about everything. He was too helpless to help Snape-there was nothing he could do. He turned to see Voldemort standing a meter away from him as they watched Dumbledore telling Snape that he'd been rejected for the DADA position once again. There were several memories of Harry in there as well-of Harry being forced to sit in detention with Snape, Snape purposely allowing Draco to insult Ron's family, McGonnagall elbowing Snape playfully as Harry caught the Snitch-

And then they were back to wherever they had been. Voldemort paced around, as Snape lifted his head lightly.

"You hate them all, don't you, Severus? You despise them?" he asked.

Snape nodded.

"Especially Potter?"

There was another nod.

"Would you kill him, Severus?"

Snape frowned as he tried to process Voldemort's question.

"My Lord?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"If I gave you the order to kill Harry Potter, would you do it?"

_Just say yes,_ Harry pleaded.

"Y-Yes."

"And Albus Dumbledore? Him too?"

The answer came quicker this time.

"Yes."

"Did you hear that? If given the chance, he would kill you, Harry. Does that not make you angry-? To know that he would willingly kill an innocent boy such as yourself?"

_No_ , Harry replied, _I don't care if he wants to kill me._

"I think you should be allowed to let out that anger inside of you. Have you used the Cruciatus Curse before? Come, I will show you."

" _Crucio!_ "

Snape writhed in pain, and curled into himself at once. Voldemort laughed cruelly.

"Don't you feel better, Harry? To see the man you hate so much under unimaginable pain? Shall we drive him insane so that you no longer have to see him anymore? Hmm?

_No-don't. Please._

"How noble. No wonder Dumbledore places such faith in you. Perhaps I will end his misery instead, what say you, Harry?"

Harry did not answer. He was terrified now, and wished that he would wake up. Maybe then he could get Dumbledore to help Snape...

"Tell me why I should spare you, Severus, and I shall. If your answer displeases me, then I will show mercy and end your pain."

Snape struggled to speak, his mouth moving as though he was trying to place a curse.

"I...I...I d-" he spluttered.

Harry closed his eyes, he had seen enough deaths already. He could not see another one, especially not Snape...he loathed him as much as the man loathed him but he had never wished to see him dead. Snape didn't deserve this, no one did. Harry felt himself floating away, Voldemort's voice and Snape's face growing more and more distant as his eyes remained closed. He could hear other voices now around him, and they were getting louder.

"Harry?"

_Wake up! Wake up, please!_

"Harry!!!"

He felt a strong arm around his back, lifting him up. Harry opened his eyes, and stared straight at Ron's concerned face. He threw himself at his best friend, clutching him close as he struggled to maintain his thoughts. Ron pulled away and shook him. Harry's back was drenched in sweat, and his hand reached to put on his glasses.

"Harry, mate, what's going on?"

Harry got to his feet, looking around him. Neville and Seamus were also awake, and they were looking at him with their mouths wide open.

"It's Snape-I've got to tell Dumbledore!"

"Wait-wait, slow down, Harry. What's Snape done? I told Dean to get McGonnagall-"

"There's no time, I have to see Dumbledore. Tell her to meet me at his office-I've got to go!"

Without another thought in mind, Harry raced out of the room, out the common room and towards Dumbledore's office as fast as his legs could carry him. 


	2. Chapter 2

Dumbledore was pacing back and forth, not a single word had come from him for the past half hour that they'd been here. There was a distant ticking noise in the office as Harry waited restlessly for a response from the headmaster. Next to him, McGonagall kept opening her mouth as if to protest but changed her mind every time. What was taking him so long? Did Dumbledore not realize that they were running out of time-that Snape was running out of time? The whole time Harry had been trying to remember any detail about where he'd been, anything that could help to locate Snape but it was as though his mind had been wiped of anything but Snape's stricken face as he tried to talk his way out of being killed.

"Look at me!" Harry finally screamed, his anger once more getting a hold of him. McGonagall let out a small gasp but Harry couldn't care less, he would worry about his manners after they saved Snape. Dumbledore, however, appeared calm as he turned to face Harry. He pointed to the seat opposite his own and Harry complied, hoping there was progress at last. He stared up to meet Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes but the man seemed to stare straight through him, as though he were afraid to make direct contact.

"Sir?" Harry said with a forced politeness, "Sir, there must be something we can do-"

"Listen to me, Harry, Professor Snape knew the risks of the job when he undertook the role of Voldemort's spy-"

"-that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to help him! You didn't see what I saw-"

"Potter's right, Albus...do you not think we should alert the Order so they may look for him at least?"

Dumbledore paused, his eyes moving from Harry's to McGonagall's. 

"We will do no such thing, Minerva," Dumbledore said firmly with a shake of his head.

"Then what? We're supposed to just sit here and wait?" Harry raised his voice once more. He was aware of how the portraits were all watching him now, with disapproving looks on their faces.

"Though I am touched to see that you care for your Professor's wellbeing, it is important that we do nothing for now."

"But Albus-"

Dumbledore had raised a hand to stop McGonagall before she could finish.

"This is not the first time Severus' life was in mortal danger, it is normal for Voldemort to place his suspicions on the man who spends all his time on the arms of his enemy. This is what he does every so often a plan goes wrong, he tests Severus' loyalty. I assure you, Professor Snape is an extremely skilled wizard who is highly trained to survive the...unfortunate circumstances he is in. There is yet to be a time that he has failed to upend his position. Trust him as I do, Harry, Minerva. He will return, after all he has given me his word."

The office had fallen silent as Harry digested Dumbledore's words, the fists he had balled on his lap slowly uncurled as he exhaled.

"Please, Professor, I saw him-I saw Snape," Harry said in shallow breaths, "I saw everything Voldemort did to him...he was hurt badly...we've got to find him-we've got to find him right now or he's going to die!"

"You are not listening to me, Harry. Professor Snape made me give my word that I shall not do anything if he were not to return. He has explicitly made it clear that if he were captured, that I would spend no more lives in trying to save him. In short, if Severus were killed, then I am to do absolutely nothing. I promised him, and in return he has promised to do all that he can to return home. Do you understand, Harry? I cannot break my promise to him, just as he cannot go back on his. I will allow you to wait here with me until I receive word of his return, but that is the most I can do."

Fawkes gave a long, mournful cry as Dumbledore slumped over his chair, his head buried in his hands. Harry felt his mouth turn dry; he had not known that it would be like this, he had not ever lingered on the thought of Snape as a spy. He had never thought that it would be as grim as this-he'd never realized the sacrifices Snape had had to make. 

"Albus..." Minerva whispered, and Harry could hear the tremble in her voice.

"Let me go back then."

Harry did not realize it was him that had spoken. At this, Dumbledore's head lifted to peer at him curiously.

"Go back where, Harry?"

"Don't pretend. You know what I mean, let me go back there-into Voldemort's mind. If I could just see-"

"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING-"

Dumbledore stopped mid-track and turned quickly to gaze out the window. Harry followed suit, and just as he reached to look over Dumbledore's shoulder, he saw a white pulse of light right by the edge of the Forest. Dumbledore whipped around quickly as he reached toward McGonagall, looking older and more tired than ever.

"Listen to me, Minerva, it is essential that I am not there for this so I am placing my trust in you. Normally, I leave this under Hagrid's charge but he is away so we must make do. Severus is by the edge of the Forbidden Forest but you must not call him out, you must not appear to have found him on purpose, do you understand? Find him and take him to the infirmary, and if he asks, tell him that you have summoned me but I will not be able to see him until the morning. And then you will leave him there. It is essential that you do exactly as I have instructed, Severus' life depends on this."

"Y-Yes, Albus," she said with a firm nod and turned to leave. Harry got up, expecting Dumbledore to argue but the other man walked past him without another word.

"I'm going too-I need to see if he's...if he's alright," said Harry reluctantly.

"Do whatever you wish, Harry. Wear your cloak, and heed the same warning as I have instructed of Professor McGonagall. Voldemort should not know that we have waited to ensure his safe arrival. To protect Severus' role, we must not show him kindness or gratitude."

"So what? We just take him to the hospital wing and leave him there?"

"If there is an Imperius curse or some other Dark Spell Voldemort has cast on him to spy on him, it is likely to wear out by the morning. No spell can remain longer than several hours under the protection of the castle, so that is how long we must wait before caring for him."

There was too much information, too much to process all at once. There would be time for that though, Harry thought. He had to make sure Snape was alive, that was the least he could do after everything. He left the office, trying to catch his breath as he burst through the Gryffindor room that had quieted once more. Harry ran up the stairs and threw open the chest under his bed as he searched for his father's Invisibility cloak.

"Harry? You gonna tell me what's going on-? You've been gone f-"

"I'll tell you later, Ron, I promise. I have to go."

Harry was about to close the door behind him when he spotted his broom sticking out by the corner. Grabbing it, he threw the cloak over it and himself so that they were both hidden away and once again sprinted towards the castle grounds. Upon touching the earth, he kicked his heels and hoisted himself over the Firebolt and zoomed through the field. He flew overhead McGonagall, glad that he'd taken the broom with him, the height giving him a better view of the land below him. He circled to where he had seen the burst of light from, lowering himself so that his feet grazed over the thick branches of trees. He spotted a dark bundle directly below him and once again shot off in McGonagall's direction. He landed a few steps away, the noise startling her a little.

"I've seen him, Professor! Come on, it's this way!"

Leaving the broom behind, Harry led McGonagall to where he had seen Snape's fallen form, hoping against hope that he was still alive. As they neared him, Harry covered himself completely and waited as McGonagall quickly knelt over Snape's body.

"Severus, is that you?" she asked, shaking him.

"Unconscious," she said as no reply came from him, "I'll have to revive him-"

She had barely finished when Harry saw Snape's arm shoot out to grab McGonagall's wrist roughly. She yelped at the sudden movement, and quickly reached out to push the matted strands of hair that covered Snape's face. Harry came closer, looking down at his Potions professor for the second time that night. He seemed to be breathing, his chest was heaving...at least that meant he was alive. His grip on McGonagall remained, and a second later his eyes opened as he stared blankly at nothing in particular.

"Severus?" McGonagall whispered, placing a hand over his chest to steady him. He twitched at the contact, and then his gaze focused on the older woman hunched over him.

"M-Minerva..." he rasped and Harry leaned closer to hear him.

"Yes," she breathed back, "I'm going to get you out of here. Can you walk?"

Snape's upper lip trembled then, and the next time he spoke there was a grieving sadness in his voice.

"Minerva...my legs...I can't feel them," he choked.

"Don't you worry now, Severus. I'm going to summon a stretcher and put you on there. And then I'm taking you to Poppy-she's going to help you get better."

It seemed that Dumbledore's instructions had gone straight out of McGonagall's head as she reassured the injured man over and over. Harry could not blame her, he remembered how comforting it had been when Mrs. Weasley had hugged him after Cedric's death. The comfort alone had made him want to survive, and he was sure Snape was the same. Spy or not be damned, the man had nearly died and he ought to be given proper care. Hadn't Dumbledore subjected Harry to years of suffering with the Dursleys to make sure he was safe? But what good had that done for Harry?

"Professor, we've got to take him to Madam Pomfrey," he said from under the cloak. 

Snape had not appeared to have heard him, fortunately. McGonagall stood up, and with a wave of her wand conjured a wooden stretcher. With Harry's help, they hoisted Snape's thin body onto it with ease (he did not seem to weigh much). Looking over, he saw that Snape had fallen back into unconsciousness, with a finger or two twitching occasionally as they made their way back to the castle. They had made it to the hospital wing when Filch had accosted McGonagall thinking that she'd been a student. After a minute of nagging and telling him where he ought to stick that lantern of his, they brought Snape to where Madam Pomfrey waited.

"Put him over there, that's his favorite spot," the matron whispered as she pointed to the farthest end of the room.

Harry had thrown off his cloak, and helped McGonagall carry Snape off of the stretcher and onto the bed. No sooner had his body touched the mattress that he started to jerk uncontrollably. His teeth were bared, eyes wide open once more as he hissed in pain. Tears were trickling down his cheek as Madam Pomfrey held him down with as much force as she could, her other hand coming up to rub his chest. Harry and McGonagall watched as his trembling became more restrained, Harry looking away as Snape broke into soft sobs.

"There we are, Severus, we're alright now, aren't we? You haven't been eating like I told you to, have you, you insufferable man?" Pomfrey chided as Snape's body relaxed and his eyes closed once more.

"Poppy, is he alright?" McGonagall asked, and Harry realized her face was red and blotched from crying.

"He's fine. Just a little side effect of the Cruciatus...he's had worse ones before, I'm afraid," Pomfrey said bitterly, "he'll be as good as new in a day or two. At least it's the weekend, he won't be using classes as an excuse to get out of staying overnight this time. Does Dumbledore know?"

"He'll be over in the morning, I think. That's what he told us."

"As usual, then. Mr. Potter, care to explain what you're doing out here as well?"

"He's with me, Poppy. If there isn't anything else, Potter, you'll be coming with me."

"Where are we going, Professor?" Harry asked, his eyes trained on Snape's unmoving figure.

"Back to bed with you, of course. You must be exhausted from all of this, and I'm sure Albus would want to have a word with you about this in the morning."

"Who's going to stay with him?"

"I can assure you I am a highly skilled Healer, Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey said, looking rather affronted at Harry's accusatory tone.

He smiled sheepishly, raising his hands in defense.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"I know, Mr. Potter, but I promise that Professor Snape will be in good hands for the time being. Run along now. Minerva."

With a final nod, Madam Pomfrey left the two of them standing there as she busied over removing Snape's ridiculous robes.

"He'll be alright, Potter," McGonagall muttered, placing a hand over Harry's shoulder.

Harry nodded along.

He hoped that she was right, and that Snape would be fine.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus had awoken quite early, and had made a harmless comment about heading down to the Great Hall for some breakfast. The comment, however, had set of Poppy who had intended for him to spend at least another day or two at the hospital wing. Frankly, he wouldn't have minded given how exhausted his entire body felt from the night before.

It hadn't been like this before, perhaps old age was finally catching up to him and Severus wondered momentarily if this was his body telling him it was at its limit. Not that he could do anything about it though, the Dark Lord was almost always in a foul temper these days and Severus' purposeful blunders had little to do with them. He was furious because he hadn't made any progress on retrieving the prophecy, and the other Death Eaters were starting to question the Dark Lord's leadership. These men weren't from the old ranks, because the older members certainly knew to hold their tongue from ever speaking of their master in such a way for fear of being labeled a traitor -no, these were the younger recruits who had joined so that they could boast their status off to the world. They were much too arrogant to serve the Dark Lord, and after several failed attempts to secure the Order's big secret, started to realize their own fallacies and tried to withdraw. Several of them had run off, but Severus knew it was only a matter of time before death caught up to them.

"Are you still leaving, then?" Poppy called out from her office, and he could hear how vexed she was.

"No, I think all that shouting from you has got me all worn down," he shouted back. There was a pause, and he smiled smugly as she appeared at the doorway with her arms and eyebrows crossed.

Behind her, there was a cluttering noise and she moved aside to reveal a floating tray with toast and orange juice making its way towards him. Severus frowned as he gazed at it sickeningly.

"I'm not hungry," he muttered, his hands going to lay over his stomach.

"You said you wanted breakfast, or was that just an excuse so you could run away?" Poppy chided, approaching him with the same irritated expression he was carrying.

He scowled, and picked the toast up, turning it over in his hand. He muttered something unintelligible under his breath and Poppy leaned in closer to him.

"Sorry, Severus, what was that?"

"Thank you for the toast, Poppy."

At that, Poppy straightened up with a cheery smile. "That's a good boy, now. I'll examine you later and decide if you can head on back to that dungeon of yours."

He gave a defeated sigh, having lost his will to argue with her any further. Popping the last bite of toast into his mouth, he downed the glass of juice and slumped back onto the soft mattress.

The sheets were so soft, and as he closed his eyes, he uttered a little prayer of thanks that he had been allowed to return home once more. Last night he had thought it would've been his last, he hadn't expected for the Dark Lord to have shown mercy. And yet he was reprieved from his own quick thinking, rather than the good-heartedness of the other man. Severus raised his left arm and gazed at the loops of dressing that covered it now, the blood starting to show through them once more. Yes, he had been lucky enough to escape with his life. But then again, was living truly that fortunate? Had he been killed, he would have been free from the burden he carried; he wouldn’t have been reminded of all those whose deaths he was responsible for any longer...

"Severus, I do hope I'm not interrupting?"

Severus' questions were cut short with Dumbledore's appearance. He didn't know how long the headmaster had been standing over him, and felt embarrassed for a moment.

"No, Headmaster," Severus replied, propping himself up against the load of pillows Poppy had pushed him against the previous night.

Dumbledore pulled up a chair and seated himself next to Severus. Despite sitting down, the older man was still towering over Severus-his expression a mix of curiosity and sorrow. Dumbledore's eyes hovered over Severus' face, and lingered slightly at the bandaged arm before he finally spoke.

"Forgive me, I would have visited you earlier but I had to be sure that Voldemort's eyes were far away when I did. The last time, he didn't seem to take so kindly when I stayed by your side the entire night that you were-"

"-it's fine, Headmaster. You don't have to explain yourself to me, it concerns me not whether or not you were by side last night. You made sure I was safe and unharmed, and I am...grateful."

Severus had not meant to frame his words so awkwardly, but it was difficult to speak especially when Dumbledore was looking at him pitifully. He resented the old man’s gaze as though he were some wounded creature waiting to be put down.

"But you weren't unharmed, were you? Will you tell me what happened? Were you punished, Severus, because of the carelessness of the plan?" Dumbledore asked, not quite meeting Severus' eyes.

"I had initially thought that that had been the reason...changing the Order members on guard at the last minute-and it being Moody of all people-derailed the Dark Lord's plans. He had sent the newer recruits, they were far more expendable, expecting to be faced with Fletcher as I had initially reported."

"I must apologize of course, that the letter I sent of the change reached you far too late. Fletcher tried to resign once he was assigned, and when I tried to persuade him had jumped onto a broom and flown off rather hastily."

Severus snorted upon hearing that. It was incredibly in-character for Fletcher to have done exactly that, but a part of him could not help but blame Dumbledore for his choice of electing Fletcher of all people for such a risky role.

"Why did you choose him? Did you want him to flee on the day, so that you could replace him with Moody? Or were you blindsided with other things to have noticed the old toad was as cowardly as they came?" Severus asked sharply, finding that he did not regret the harshness of his words nor his tone.

"I admit...I had been preoccupied with other matters-"

"-like what?"

Dumbledore smiled now, reaching over to pat Severus' knee.

"Matters of the future," came his reply, "but all the same, I am sorry for my foolishness. You have suffered, when it should have been my price to pay."

"Save your sympathy, Dumbledore! I was not the only one to suffer his wrath...the two Death Eaters were killed the moment they returned to him....and I hear several others were subjected to a similar torture before I arrived there myself. Lucius tells me Avery was admitted to St. Mungo's for an unexplained injury....it was just unfortunate that I had been there by myself."

"Was it mere punishment or was there more?" Dumbledore pressed. Severus looked up at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You were gone for an unfortunate length of time...what else happened?"

Severus paused, searching Dumbledore's eyes. There was no way the man would have known what had happened, would he? And yet the way he kept pressing for information....Severus decided then that there would be no use to remain secretive, not with the man who had given him his chance at redemption all those years ago.

"He questioned my loyalty," Severus whispered.

"Oh? And I expect you gave him ample proof that you were?"

Severus sighed, reaching over to push the strands of hair that hung over his face.

"I almost didn't, Dumbledore. For a second when I thought he was going to kill me, I decided that I wasn't going to die a Death Eater. I wanted to die honest...die as a man who served Albus Dumbledore."

If Dumbledore wanted to say anything, he certainly did not show it. His blue eyes gazed at Severus, the saddened expression still evident.

"He asked me...he asked me to prove that I was his, that I belonged to him. And I wanted to tell him that I wasn't. That I was loyal to your cause...to the Order..."

"Severus..."

Dumbledore's voice was soft, and Severus turned away so that he could not see the tears in the other man's eyes.

"Sometimes I think I am too tired of this, Dumbledore. I feel...I feel everything is not as it should be. All those years ago, when I gave you my word and my eternal service, I had thought it was all I was good for...all I could do to fix the wrongs I'd done. But now...with the Order, I feel like I finally belong-I know why I was put here. And I...I want to fight, Dumbledore. I want to fight for your cause, yours and Lily's. Every time I am summoned by the Dark Lord, I am worn out by the darkness that he wears-that I wear. I am tired of this farce, have I not redeemed myself enough, Headmaster? Will you not allow me to fight as you allow everyone else?"

Dumbledore was quiet for a long time, and Severus started to wish he hadn't said anything in the first place. And then Dumbledore raised his head to show that he had been crying, the tears trickling down to his crooked nose and dripping onto his beard. Severus shifted his gaze towards the wall in front of him, refusing to look at the crying man before him.

"When I first saw you on that hilltop all those years ago, I admit I had every intention to kill you once you had delivered your message. It was you, was it not, who had placed a target on an innocent child and his parents?"

Severus seemed to shrink into himself. Dumbledore reached out to take his hand in his own, and smiled encouragingly.

"And then you told me to save them-these people that you loved and despised at the same time. I saw a conflicted boy, one that battled and conquered all his demons in a single minute to save a girl who no longer remembered him. You told me you would do anything to keep Lily safe, and I knew then that you were not like Voldemort. You had felt love, continued to feel it long after it was gone-and that led you to make a choice."

"Severus, you do not know how I long to free you from these chains I have put you in. For years I have envisioned to give you the life you deserved....and yet, I am unable to because of my own selfishness. For the greater good, Severus, I must ask that you remain a spy."

"The-the greater good?"

"You are very much like Harry (Severus scowled)-yes, yes you are! Do you know how much I wished that I could have raised him myself instead of allowing the Dursleys to take guardianship over him? And yet I restrained myself because there is a bigger path for him to follow...a path that requires him to suffer as he did and still continues to do. The losses he has suffered keep him on the right path, much like you yourself, Severus. You are just as haunted as he is, and forced to make the same sacrifices as he has made-and I must continue to allow such suffering to take place to ensure the world continues to revolve, and good continues to win."

"I figured you'd say something like that," Severus retorted with a snort, "you and your grandiose plans of saving the world."

Dumbledore chuckled lightly.

"You sad you wanted to tell him the truth, so why didn't you?"

"I didn't think you'd have liked that very much. It's important that we keep to the plan, isn't that what you always say? Stick to the plan, keep Potter safe and eventually we will be victorious?"

"Nothing as dramatic as that, but yes, I suppose that is the plan..."

They sat there in the comfortable silence, listening to Poppy shift through her books in her office. Outside, he could hear the children running about the courtyard which was oddly comforting.

"So how did you convince him of your loyalty? Severus?"

Severus hesitated, and then brought his left arm towards Dumbledore. He tugged the dressing and it unraveled with ease, revealing an ugly, red mark upon his left forearm.

"I told him that if he doubted my loyalty, he could remind me. He carved the Dark Mark into me once more," Severus replied, his tone heavy with bitterness and loathing.

"Severus, I-"

"No, don't say anything. I don't want your pity, nor anyone else's. This is my path, after all, is it not? You just make sure you win this war for us...I'm tired of sitting in on meetings and listening to Black drone on and on about his pathetic life. I'd very much like for things to go back to how they were before the Dark Lord returned."

"And on that note, I shall excuse myself- I still have to have a word with Harry-"

"-Potter? What's he done now?"

"Nothing that concerns you, Severus. Oh, Minerva said she'd be dropping by later-she's gone down to Hogsmeade to get some drinks."

"What are we celebrating? There wasn't a match today, was there?"

"We're celebrating you, Severus. Your survival means a lot to us, I hope you know that."

Severus said nothing, and watched as the Headmaster shook his head and left. Severus fell back, his mind wandering to the night before. Potter's name had brought something back-a strange memory-he had thought he had heard his name...hadn't the Dark Lord uttered his name? And Severus was sure he had seen the familiar green eyes staring back at him through the Dark Lord's own. There was no way that the stupid boy had gotten into the Dark Lord's mind, was there?

"SEVERUS TOBIAS SNAPE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR ARM?"

He almost fell off as Poppy rushed at him in full force, tugging his exposed arm towards her and hastily covered them in new bandages.

"Calm down, Poppy, I was just showing Dumbledore-"

"Oh, mark my words, I'll be having a word or two with him as well."

Severus groaned as Poppy descended into another one of her tantrums. As he listened to her threats, he felt an odd urge to smile and for the second time that day, was glad that he had made it back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have some Dumbledore/Snape scenes before moving on to the Snape/Harry confrontation in the next chapter. Thank you for reading and enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a little rushed because I didn’t have enough time to edit the whole thing. I will be going back to the previous chapters and re-edit them when I finally get the time though! So for now please try and ignore the mistakes that may come up!

Monday morning found most of the fifth-years in the Great Hall, their breakfast lay untouched as they slumped over their thick Defense Against Dark Arts textbooks. Even the younger students resorted to chewing their food silently while they watched their seniors scribble furiously over scraps of parchment. On the Gryffindor table, Harry and Ron stared sullenly as Hermione continued to write pages upon pages of words in a hurried state. Every few seconds, Neville whimpered and placed his hand over his head in defeat before scurrying over to look over Hermione's bushy hair to try and see what she was writing. 

"Hermione," Ron began hesitantly, and Hermione's head snapped in his direction while her hands continued to move at an unbelievable pace.

"What?"

"D'you think you're nearly done? I think you've written about a hundred pages already," he continued with a sunken expression. Harry had to agree, here they were expecting to copy off of Hermione but it would be impossible to finish it all before their class started.

"How is that my fault? She's absolutely vile, that witch! Setting us up with an insane amount of homework each week-what does she think she's playing at?"

Harry had never heard Hermione swear at a teacher except for Trelawney and found that it cheered him a little. He knew why Umbridge was giving them the homework, it was to keep them busy so they wouldn't have time to off and 'play hero' as she had so aptly told him during detention last week. It was one thing to assign him punishments for speaking up against her, but to punish the entire year seemed just a little too excessive. He wondered why Dumbledore hadn't said anything yet, but part of him suspected that the headmaster no longer had power to interfere with the old toad or the Ministry-not after how he defended Harry for speaking up about Voldemort's return.

"At least we won't have Potions today, wasn't Snape going to set us a test or something?" Ron interjected, attempting to calm a frazzled Hermione.

"Yeah, Dumbledore said Pomfrey wasn't going to let him leave for a week at least," added Harry.

"Still, it seems a little excessive, don't you think? Didn't she re-grow Harry's bones in a single night?" Hermione asked, dotting the final word of her essay and closing her book shut.

"You're just saying that because you actually _want_ to sit for the test, Hermione," Ron argued.

"Well what if I am? Unlike you, I actually _studied_!"

"I would have-but I had Quidditch practice-"

"-that's exactly the problem, isn't it, Ronald? If you could just stop thinking about Quidditch and try to-"

"Will you both shut up? Look!" Harry cried out in dismay, his heart sinking in his chest as Ron and Hermione followed his gaze to the High Table. Ron let out a horrified "oh no" as his gaze fixated on Snape's figure who had just walked in and sat at the table. Harry noticed how he looked normal; ever-the same thin and sallow-faced man, with his signature curled smile plastered across his face. None of the other students had seen what Harry had, though. They hadn't seen Snape on his knees being forced to spell out his loyalty to Voldemort, hadn't seen him beg McGonagall to help him because he couldn't walk in the aftermath of his meeting.

"You've done it now, Hermione," Ron groaned as he reached for Hermione's homework before she slapped his hand away.

"Me?" she exclaimed, "what did I do?!"

"You went and jinxed it and now we've got Snape later!"

As Ron and Hermione continued to bicker, Harry watched as Snape leaned in to whisper something to McGonagall who shook her head at him. As though he had sensed Harry's eyes on him, Snape turned and the pair of black eyes focused in on Harry's own. Alarmed at being caught, Harry shifted his gaze to Hermione who had fallen silent.

"He's coming over!" she hissed under her breath as Ron wrenched Hermione's essay from her.

Harry's stomach lurched as he heard Snape's footfalls approaching him in quick strides. He was aware that the man was standing behind him, but Harry did not want to say anything. He'd let Snape speak first.

"Potter," he called softly. It wasn't venomous as it usually was, and there was a strained exhaustion in his tone. Slowly, Harry turned with a grimace.

"Yeah?"

Snape's lip turned to an unattractive sneer now, and Harry mentally prepared himself for the jabs that would follow.

"Tell me, Potter, who do you think I am?"

"You teach Potions."

"And so what does that make me?"

"Er-a professor?"

Harry could hear snickering coming from the Slytherin table, and knew it had to be Malfoy or one of his overly-large goons.

"Then you will treat me as such, Potter. The next time you talk to me, you will address me-either as 'Professor' or 'sir', is that understood?"

"Yes. _Sir_ ," Harry added with clenched teeth. It was unnerving to see this man standing before him, insulting Harry as though it was second nature to him when only days ago he had been on the brink of near-death. Harry began to lose any feelings of sympathy for the man as the minutes ticked on by. It appeared Snape was back to his usual, cruel self once more.

"Our...remedial Potions lesson, you haven't forgotten about those have you?"

Great, Harry thought, he had forgotten all about Occlumency lessons after everything that had happened.

"No, sir, I haven't."

"Good. You will see me in my office at five o'clock this evening. I have other matters and will have to hold it earlier, I hope that doesn't inconvenience you in any way?" Snape asked sarcastically.

"We've got practice at five!" Ron argued, turning around to face Snape and Harry wished he hadn't tried to help.

"I don't see what you're so concerned about, Weasley. It appears no amount of practice will be able to keep you from falling off your broom every few seconds," Snape said dryly, eyeing Ron dirtily.

Ron opened his mouth but Harry slammed a fist onto the other boy's lap and he quieted at once. Snape watched the two of them triumphantly, as though daring for them to say anything.

"Professor, are you going to give us a test later?" Hermione asked and Harry let out an inward groan.

Snape's eyes moved to Hermione's face as he regarded her impatiently, tight-lipped.

"Are you trying to dictate how I run my class, Miss Granger?"

"What? No, I meant-"

"-five points from Gryffindor, I think should do quite nicely. Potter, five o'clock this evening. Do not be late."

And with that, he turned and walked towards the fifth years on the other side of the hall. Harry watched, his hatred for Snape suddenly magnified after their interaction, as the git bent over to look at Malfoy's DADA textbook. He said something unkind and the rest of the Slytherins broke into jeers.

"Bastard," Ron mumbled.

Hermione blinked away the tears that had formed in her eyes.

"You alright, Hermione?" Harry asked and she nodded.

"You two better finish up your essays. We've got less than an hour to go before Umbridge's class-you don't want to be caught in detention and miss Snape's Occlumency lesson," she mumbled.

"I'd rather have my skin torn up than go, if I'm being honest," Harry replied glumly.

"You have to, Harry!"

"I know, I know! It's just-what if Snape looks in my head and he sees that I saw what happened last Friday?"

"But you're getting good at it, aren't you? You told me you could block Snape off really well, Harry!"

"I am," Harry lied, "I'm just worried the memory might come through or something..."

"If it does, which I know it won't, then just tell him, Harry."

"Yeah, and he'll just kill me. Come on, Hermione, he'll make everything worse than it is and then I'll have to go to Dumbledore-"

"And Dumbledore will tell him off. The point is you have to go. It's to help, you know..."

"I reckon Harry knows that, Hermione. Look here-you've explained about the Magical Creatures Act for two whole pages-d'you think I could trim some of this off?"

And just like that, Hermione stopped talking about Occlumency and launched into helping Ron with Umbridge's homework. Harry decided that he'd handle whatever came with Snape later, and if it did come to it, he'd just go to Dumbledore and ask if the lessons could be stopped for both their sakes. Somewhat pleased with himself, Harry turned his attention back to his half-finished essay and began to write.

\------------------------------------------------

Double potions had been awful. As Harry descended the stairs and entered the dungeons for the second time, he swore under his breath. As usual, Snape had tried to mock Harry's potions-making spell and tried to sabotage it while he'd been in the middle of making it. When Harry had tried to turn it in, Snape told him that the Ministry ought to come up with a grade worse than Troll made specifically for Harry. When Harry argued that they should start hiring better Professors, the other man had assigned him with detention for the next two weekends knowing full well that Harry would miss two Quidditch practices in a row. As Harry knocked on Snape's door, he wondered if he'd be thrown off the team if he continued to get into trouble with Snape and Umbridge.

"Come in, Potter."

An unexplainable feeling of dread ran through him as he walked into the dimly-lit and cold office, and he stared disgustedly at the jars of pickled things on the shelf behind Snape.

"Do you have anything to say about your behavior in class earlier, Potter?" Snape reprimanded, whipping his wand out in the air threateningly.

"No, I don't, sir," Harry replied defiantly.

Snape watched him curiously for a moment, his fingers twitching slightly as his grip on the wand tightened. And then he turned around, and performed his usual act of drawing out memories and placing them into Dumbledore's pensive. He seemed to be taking much longer than usual, and a part of Harry was curious to know what it was the other man seemed so intent on hiding away from him. Snape faced Harry once more, approaching him cautiously-his eyes darting between Harry's face and the wand in his hand.

"So, Potter, have you been practicing?"

"I have, yeah."

Snape snorted.

"You cannot lie very well, can you, Potter? Makes you a rather poor candidate for something as complex as Occlumency. However, Dumbledore believes it is essential that the wonder-boy is equipped with this ability and my respect for him overtakes my lack of confidence in you unfortunately. That means I will have to resort to extraordinary measures if it comes down to it, is that clear, Potter?"

Harry nodded, his breath hitching in his chest. Extraordinary measures? What on earth did he mean?

"Good. Now, how are you going to try and stop me this time, Potter?"

"Er...."

"Forgive me for asking-heaven knows you love to be spontaneous, isn't that right? Is that what you will do, Potter, when the Dark Lord invades your mind? You will jump to action with no preparation or mastery for the skill? How long do you think you can live on luck alone?"

Snape wasn't yelling, but he was whispering softly-and this frightened Harry. There was a sense of urgency in his words, as though Voldemort was waiting outside of Snape's office right now.

"Tell me then!" he said, stepping forwards to face Snape.

"I have, Potter. What do you think I have been trying to do for months now? You must clear your mind from your emotions, you must have extreme control over them-rather than wear them on your sleeve and show the world your weaknesses!"

'Like how you controlled your thoughts when Voldemort used Legilimency on you?' Harry wanted to ask but restrained himself in time.

"I'm trying-if you could just stop-"

"I knew I was wasting my breath on you! I told Dumbledore-do you know what he thinks, Potter? He thinks that you are powerful-more so than the Dark Lord himself, which is why he believes you can do this. And yet you show me everyday you are incapable as you give in to your anger!"

Harry glowered at Snape, he had not realized it but he had raised a fist towards Snape-just another step and he could strike the other man down.

"Close your eyes, Potter. Drain all that emotion out of you. When I attack, you will try to resist-use any spell or charm or anything that can stop me from accessing your memories. One...two...three... _Legilimens!"_

Harry exclaimed as he felt a presence in his mind, could see Snape's shadowy figure in the back of his head as memories began to pour out of him. 

He was six, and Petunia Dursley had shoved him into a chair as she attempted to shave all of his hair off. And then he was being cornered by Dudley and his friends at the playground, they were pointing and laughing as they shoved him around. Hermione had thrown her arm around him and Ron as they began to walk towards the common room. Cedric's face was visible in the darkened glow of the graveyard, his eyes staring up at him with no life left in them. 

Harry was losing control quickly, and the more he tried to repress one particular memory, the more Snape pushed into opening it. _Don't_ , Harry begged, _don't do it_. But he was helpless, as Snape had said-there was no way he could master Occlumency, not when his head was being forced open like this. He whispered 'no' in horror as more images burst into view. Voldemort dragged Snape by the hair and laughed, McGonagall assuring a half-conscious Snape that he was going to be okay, Madam Pomfrey holding him down as Snape seized up under her.

And then they were back in Snape's office, with Harry fallen to his knees. Harry remained there, panting and far too afraid to look up at Snape. He stared at Snape's boots for a whole minute, thinking of all the ways this could possibly end. Harry found himself wishing that he had been serving detention with Umbridge, that would have been less awful than to explain his memories to Snape.

"Potter," Snape called, and Harry heard the tremble in his voice. He looked up to see Snape standing, white-faced and furious.

"Get up!" he shouted. 

Harry jumped to his feet, his heart pounding against his chest.

"What was that memory, Potter?"

"My aunt was trying-"

"Don't," Snape interrupted, "don't play games with me. Did Dumbledore show you that?"

"No, no he didn't."

"Then how, Potter, do you have a memory of me?"

"I..." 

Harry paused. What on earth could he possibly tell the man at this point? It was very clear he had figured it out, he knew that Harry had once again purposely wandered into Voldemort's thoughts.

"I was right, wasn't I? You think this connection with the Dark Lord makes you special, don't you?"

Harry shook his head.

"So why, Potter?" Snape whispered menacingly.

"W-why?"

"Why do you keep doing it? Why do you intrude on memories that you have no right to intrude upon? Why do you continue to put your life-and everyone else's-at risk? Do you think the rest of us are nothing but pawns you can use and dispose of when you no longer have use for them? Is all of this a joke to you?"

"Of course not! It's not like I could control it-it just happened!"

"You should have stopped it the minute it happened, then! Wasn't that the point of wasting my evenings teaching you, Potter?"

"Why do you do it, then? Why do you pretend that you care what happens to me? Just tell Dumbledore you can't help-why do you keep doing it?"

Snape's face flushed, and his mouth sprang open in surprise.

"You-don't-you don't realize, do you Potter?"

"Realize what?"

"You're the only one that can stop him," Snape's voice had dropped to a hushed whisper once more, "for some reason Dumbledore has decided that you are the only who can put an end to the Dark Lord' reign-as ridiculous as it sounds. That means you must be protected...and kept _safe_."

Snape looked as though he had wanted to say more but he stopped himself before he could do so. Harry looked away, embarrassed.

"What else did you see, Potter?"

"Just that," he lied once more, hoping Snape would believe him. Snape did not say anything, perhaps the other man feared the truth more so than Harry himself.

"You've worn me out, Potter, with your ineptitude. Leave," Snape commanded suddenly, pointing at the door.

"What? But it's not even been an hour-" Harry protested, not knowing why. If anything, he should be grateful that Snape was giving him the way out.

"I don't care, Potter. Get out, and don't come back here until you've learned to clear your mind. I've had enough with foolish children wasting what precious time I have-that means no lessons this Wednesday either! I find I tire of looking at your face, Potter."

Harry could see the exhaustion in the other man now, in the way he stood and spoke. He looked positively drained and shaken, perhaps he had yet to fully recover from the previous incident.

"Yes, sir," Harry mumbled, brushing past Snape on his way out. As he looked back, he saw that Snape remained standing in the same position, staring down at where Harry had stood silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s still a long way to go before these two can sort of make up for their behaviour towards one another. The next chapter will be a little more light-hearted though! Thank you and hope you enjoyed reading!


	5. Chapter 5

As Severus violently burst through the headmaster's door, giving as ferocious an expression as he could, he thought he heard a small sigh escape Dumbledore's lips. The man put down the the copy of the Quibbler, leaned back against his chair before ushering Severus to sit. Severus, however, seemed intent on unleashing his rage at least a little before sitting down for a "calm" discussion (or whatever it was the old hoot called it these days). He remained standing, arms crossed, looking down at Dumbledore.

"I thought you'd at least wait until your lesson was over before you barged in here," Dumbledore said. Severus scowled.

"So...so," he said fuming, "so... _you knew_."

Dumbledore's controlled face gave way for an accidental smile, his lips twitching in amusement.

"You-this isn't _funny_ , Dumbledore!"

"Of course I knew, Severus! The boy told me, naturally."

"When? When did he see that-?"

"Take a seat, Severus, and I will explain everything."

"I find myself more comfortable standing, thanks."

Dumbledore gave another sigh and shook his head, staring up at the thin, anguished face.

"I have just had a most exhaustive day at the Ministry-trying to convince our dear old Fudge that it is crucial I remain here as Headmaster of the school has taken a year or two off of my life span, Severus. Not to mention the energy it took me to convince Minerva not to send Dolores Umbridge 'flying to the moon' as she so politely put. I simply am not in the mood to tolerate anymore of your childish tantrums for today, I'm afraid."

Severus opened his mouth as though to protest but decided against it. He glanced at the older man and saw how weary Dumbledore looked now, it was clear from the bags under his eyes that he had not been sleeping for quite a few nights. Severus made a mental note to start sending him some Anti-Restlessness potion before pulling on the chair opposite the headmaster's table. Dumbledore looked relieved that there wouldn't be a fight-not today, anyways.

"The Ministry wants to sack you?" he asked incredulously.

"They believe I have outlived my usefulness. They look at me now and see a threat, one that might attempt to overtake Fudge's own place as Minister. Though I suspect he may not last there for long himself either...he was only elected under my own recommendation after all, many are questioning his abilities as much as they are my own."

Severus huffed in response, and Dumbledore's amusement returned to his face. Both of them remembered the past year's incident when Severus had openly revealed his Dark Mark to the Minister to try and prove to the idiot of the Dark Lord's return. What came in response was a heavily worded letter to Dumbledore asking that he place Severus under immediate suspension and when that had failed, had set Umbridge on his heels. Severus had ended this weaselly attempt at getting him thrown out by asking Lucius' help. Upon getting the idea that Lucius very much placed high faith in Severus, Umbridge had been forced to pull away from him and focus on ridding of the other powerless professors instead.

"I think we'd do better without that fool in the Ministry regardless."

The headmaster gave a small chuckle as the younger of two snorted in dismissal of the conversation.

"Now, now, Severus, let's not be unkind."

Severus straightened himself in the seat, signaling for the start of a new topic; it was one that Dumbledore clearly was uncomfortable to have.

"So, you want to know how Harry came to have that memory in his head," Dumbledore began slowly.

"No, I know _how_ he does-he practically confessed when I...asked him," Severus replied, a little hesitant.

"What did you do with him, Severus?" he asked rather tiredly.

"Don't change the subject, Dumbledore."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled then, he reached over to draw out a giant bowl of his favorite muggle sweets. He seemed to take pride in wasting Severus' time, knowing full well the man would only refuse. 

"Sherbet lemon?" Dumbledore asked anyway, meeting a particularly icy glare from the exasperated man opposite him. Unaffected by this, Dumbledore proceeded to unwrap the sweet, taking the moment to savor its taste before finally speaking on the subject of Harry Potter.

"It is evident that Harry has been spending far too much time in his own mind that he has started to wander a little too far...Occlumency does not seem to be helping him either. I recall you mentioning that he is rather...weak...at burying his memories."

"Weak isn't the word I'd use. He is an amateur, and does not listen to what I have to say."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Spite, perhaps. And his father's arrogance passed down to him, no doubt. Black's influence may also have played a part in his determination to make these lessons fail. I sincerely believe the foolish boy thinks that this connection with the Dark Lord can be used to help people...he does not realize the deeper danger it poses. I suspect it's his savior complex that's drowning out this particular logic," Severus responded ill-manneredly.

"It is the same logic that helped to save you, if I recall correctly."

Severus flushed now, a red tinge sweeping across his cheeks. It was instantly replaced with his usual scowl.

"He didn't save me!" Severus snarled, "I had already made it back here myself! All he did was put his own life in danger-and my own."

"Do not judge the boy so harshly, Severus. Yes, he may not have directly saved you that night but his intentions were clear as he stood here, demanding that I send out a rescue for you."

"Intentions! What good can come from that?"

"Intention is everything, Severus. You are discarding what is right in front of you, and I do not know if it is hatred that is blinding you or perhaps your own ignorance."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Severus swore, bringing his fist down on the wooden desk with a hardened slam. Fawkes squawked in surprise at the sound but Dumbledore barely gave a flinch at the sudden aggression.

"I see...it is clear now. You are so consumed by your own hatred for the boy's father that you have allowed it to muddy your thoughts."

"If you're not going to tell me-"

"Don't you see, Severus? The boy cares! No matter how much you think he hates you, he still cares that you are alive-that you make it back home safe. Why do you think that is the case?"

Severus blinked at the headmaster, having lost his thoughts to Dumbledore's shift in tone. He had spoken with the same coldness and harshness all those years ago when Severus had approached him to save Lily Potter.

"W-what?" he asked quietly, casting his gaze anywhere other than Dumbledore's eyes.

"Harry is James Potter's son, yes, but he is also Lily Evan's. Tell me, Severus, where might Harry's unselfish love and care come from? From his father? Or from Lily Evans? Didn't she show you at such a young age what love meant, Severus?"

"Don't...Dumbledore..."

"Harry's goodness comes from his mother! He has seen her sacrifice for her own son, and like her, he is determined to love as ferociously as she had. That, Severus, is why the night he saw you on the brink of death did he race to my office and beg for me to save you. Even when I told him it wouldn't be possible to do anything, he fought against my judgement. He wanted to save you not because he is arrogant or he has a savior complex, but it is because he has seen the worth of a life-of your life. He might not admit it but he knows everything you do outside of teaching is to help us win this war, and so he cares. Despite all that hatred you think he might have for you, he stood up against me to ensure your life was saved."

The office was quiet, save for Severus' shallow breathing. As he raised his head, he looked miserable. It was as though his inner demons were raging war within him, trying to fight and claw their way out of him. He spluttered, his bitterness spilling out of him uncontrollably. 

"What-what else do you ask of me, Dumbledore? I have already given my word to protect him...what else do you expect from me? Do you think this will change how I see him? That you might finally fulfil some strange fantasy of making me into a good man?"

"There is nothing else I could possibly ask from you, Severus. You have given me everything and more. I just want you to see this boy how everyone else sees him. He is his father's son but he is also his mother's. You are always so determined to find the man you despise in Harry, but have you ever thought to look for her? For Lily?"

Severus stood up abruptly. He knocked the bowl of sweets over and stormed towards the door as Dumbledore watched warily. Severus' hand rested on the door momentarily, as he glanced back at the headmaster.

"You don't know what it's been like..." he whispered hoarsely.

"Don't know what, Severus?"

Severus hesitated, and then;

"Nothing. Have the boy come by my office on Wednesday. I do not think these lessons will benefit him but I will do as you ask."

And with that, he left. Upon his leave, Fawkes flew to perch on Dumbledore's arm and gave him a playful nib. Dumbledore popped another sweet into his mouth and stared at where Severus had stood by the door.

"He's difficult, but he has always come around, hasn't he?"

**Author's Note:**

> I've already got the drafts for the upcoming chapters written, and hope to post them in a day or two. Thanks for reading!


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